FREE Metal Shelf / Coffin / Time Capsule / Fallout Closet (Webster Groves)
Date: 2009-09-22, 8:43PM CDT
Reply to:
YES YES YES! I have what you are looking for.
The fears of nuclear winter are nipping at your heels. "What will I do
once Iran / Taliban / Russia or some other asshole drops some warheads
on the USA?" I have your answer, and it's FREE.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present a near-indestructible metal casing.
Though I, like the people who owned this house before me, have been
misusing it as a shelf under my obsolete workbench for years, it is
more than meets the eye.
Note the rugged metal exterior, surely capable of repelling any
radiation, bullets, shells or other harmful ordinance. With some minor
modifications, it can be converted into a fallout closet. The perfect
addition to your fallout shelter; a safe room within a safe room! Store canned goods or other provisions therein, or simply climb in once the
ominous sirens begin to ring out.
Perhaps your countrymen will not be so lucky as you to survive the Armageddon. If so, then this fallout closet can be converted into an indestructible casket. When the rapture comes, you or your friend's
body will remain intact to join the Lord on the conquest of Satan,
thanks in large part to the heavy duty metal construction. As an undead
soldier fighting red, winged demons on the brink of the abyss of hell,
your body will be in far greater form than your neighbor, who will have
been hastily buried in a shallow grave.
However, if you instead wish to generously preserve the last
artifacts of humankind for alien discovery once we obliterate
ourselves, then nothing can be a better time capsule than this metal
cage. Place newspapers, recordings, photographs, digital media and all
other types of information within the nearly-indestructible metal
compartment for posterity. As you bury it in concrete, you can chuckle
to yourself as you imagine the pale, glassy-eyed aliens peering
cluelessly at our foreign script in a hopeless attempt to understand
why our civilization chose to annihilate ourselves at the peak of our
technical achievements. Hahaha, what a laugh.
For those of you shallow enough to do so, you may also use it as a
shelf. It is heavy as hell and has a middle shelf precariously
suspended by some red twine. I doubt that the twine could withstand the
apocalypse, but what does it matter to you? You just need a place to
put paint cans and drop cloths.
Whatever your intentions, please come get this thing. My neighbors
are beginning to question why I have such a formidable fortification
sitting outside of my carport. I must give it away in an act of
selfless patriotism so that one greater than I can carry on the human
race.
Godspeed, and please let me know if you can pick this thing up sometime
soon. It is really heavy, and you may want to bring a strong friend to
pick it up.
- Location: Webtser Groves
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
