- If I had to describe what this "job" entails":
JOB
DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent
work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to
work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and
frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must
handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities
also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the
facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually
none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES
AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about
this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you
could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental
insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities
for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
In : Thoughts on life
Tags:
parenthood